Marriage Advice From 9 Year Olds.

My engaged daughter asked her third grade school class for marriage advice. This is what they told her:

Don’t get divorced, have fun living with each other, and don’t ever get in a fight. Just be nice. –A. (Wouldn't it be great if everyone did that!)

Hug and kiss but make sure he likes you first. –T. (It is always good to be sure your husband likes you before you kiss him.)

Love each other, respect each other, and never give up on him. –T.

Never yell at each other or be rude to each other. –R.

Get speakers to get [your husband's] attention. –M. (Now, why didn't I ever think of that?)

Eat lots of cows. –M. (????)

Stick together and give gifts to each other. –K.

Have 28 kids and eat lots of cookies. –J. (I'm all over that cookie idea, but 28 kids???)

Get a 19 layer cake for the reception. –H.

Don’t let [your husband] go out with his friends a lot. – J.

Keep believing in him- And never stop loving him. –J. (Love that one!)

Kiss, have a good time, have kids. –L.

You should kiss [your husband] with lipstick and you should kiss him before you say I do. –J. (I am thinking bright red lipstick is best)

Never fight, play with him, and take each other to a restaurant. –M.

Be nice, eat lots of ice cream, and play Frisbee. –E. (Sounds like a recipe for success to me!)

Be nice and have fun. –M.

Always go to BYU games. –H.

Get 3 children, go on dates often, and go to Chuck-a-Rama. –J.

So there you have it--the secrets to a successful marriage!! I am headed out right now to buy a Frisbee, ice cream and cookies. :-)

So when does the Happily Ever After come??

I grew up reading fairy tales where every story ends with, “And they were married and lived happily ever after.” So, when my handsome prince came along, I was absolutely positive my marriage would be perfectly harmonious and my life wonderfully trial free.

Then I got married.

I knew I had married the only man in the world for me and after a beautiful wedding day filled with family and feasting, he lifted me onto his white stallion and together we galloped off into the sunset in search of our happily ever after. Well, actually, we loaded our meager belongings into his car and drove south to Mexico City, with me crying all the way because I was not ready to leave my family, my home, and my country so soon after returning from a mission to Ecuador. But Mexico City is where he was raised, it was where his family lived and most importantly, it was where he planned to spend the rest of his life working in the family business.


Our first year of marriage was neither harmonious nor trial free. We spent the first six months either living with relatives or in an apartment with walls blackened from smog, and water that ran only two days in seven. Wes went off to work six days a week, leaving me home alone, in a country where I had no friends, no family of my own, and no diversion. (I tried driving once and it scared me to death so I never tried again). Being a person who thrives on being busy and social, I felt utterly lonely and depressed. And, I soon discovered, pregnant.

Over the next six months the Mexican economy collapsed, making it impossible for us to earn a living, so my husband immigrated to Utah (yes, he was a Mexican citizen) where we hoped for a better life. Happy to be back with family, life was better for me, but difficult for Wes who had to find a new dream.

After a difficult pregnancy, Camille was born. The insurance company that should have covered the cost went bankrupt and couldn’t pay, and while driving home from the hospital following her birth, Wes was broadsided by an uninsured drunk driver who totaled our car. Overwhelmed by the debt suddenly heaped upon us, still recovering from complications to child birth and lacking transportation, we would sit at dinner together in stony silence.

And I wondered . . . whatever happened to ‘happily ever after’?

Now many years later, I realize I was just as naïve to think life would never get better, as I was to think it would hold no challenges. Real, true, meaningful life comes with both good and bad—together. My father sent me a quote I love, and have posted on my side bar. It says, “Life isn’t about waiting for the storms to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain.”

So I gave some thought to those things in my life, that even in stormy weather bring me great joy. Here is a list of ten of them, not in any particular order.

1. Looking across a crowded room filled with people who want my husband’s attention and having him look directly at me and wink. (I love that!)

2. Family dinners where all who live at home are gathered together. These are harder now, with Kathryn working, but when we all happen to be home at the same time, my heart swells with joy.

3. Enjoying nature. Whether it is hiking, walking in the rain, seeing a sunset, or watching the quail in my front yard early in the morning, taking note of the beauty in nature always makes me happy.

4. Hearing laughter coming from another room. One of life’s most simple pleasures is listening to my daughters laughing together in another room while they do dishes and/or share stories.

5. Anything funny that makes me laugh. Following the birth of my third child, I struggled with postpartum depression. I didn’t realize it at the time though. I just thought I was tired and miserable. However, six months after her birth we were on vacation in California. While jumping waves in the ocean, I was hit hard by a wave that pushed me under the water. When I surfaced, I started to laugh. My laughter sounded so strange in my ears and I realized it had been a very long time since I had laughed at anything. But that moment seemed to break a barrier around my heart and from then on I got better. From that experience, however, I also learned to appreciate very much the people who bring laughter into my life.

6. Hot running water—particularly in a bathtub filled with bubbles. On my mission we rarely had hot water, and when we did it ran only for a few minutes. I have never turned on a water faucet since, without expressing gratitude for hot running water.

7. Time spent with friends. There are few things that bring me greater joy than an unexpected telephone call or email from a friend. And there are few things I would rather do than go to lunch with, or spend the evening, long into the night, visiting with those who are dear to me.

8. Learning something new. I love to learn. I love to visit with people who are different than I am, travel to far away countries, or read a book that teaches me something I didn’t know before. There is something magical about learning, I think, that makes me feel so very alive.

9. Doing something hard. It isn’t that I like to do hard things, but I really like how I feel after I have done them. It always brings such a sense of accomplishment and boosts my self-esteem.

10. Perform a service. My mission president always told us when we were discouraged to get out and serve. I have found that to be true. It is a basic principle that service brings joy. I recently had an experience with this. On our last visiting teaching appointment of the day we came to a home of a sister whose kitchen was filled with meat and vegetables needing to be bottled that day. So, putting away our message and putting on our aprons, we went to work helping her. I spent the next two hours browning meat and peeling potatoes. But I also spent the time, working and visiting with two wonderful, strong and spiritual sisters, whose association brought great joy into my life that day.

So there you have it. Ten ways that even in the storms of life, help me to find . . . joy in the journey.

A Love Story

I am convinced God is a true romantic. After all, how many interesting “how we met” stories do you know? I had a friend in college who canceled a trip to visit her sister in Texas over Thanksgiving and rescheduled it for the week after Christmas. When she arrived, she met a young man visiting Texas on business from Michigan. They dated every day that week and were later married.

My friend Jenny met her husband at BYU when she and her roommates set up a lemonade stand outside the boy’s apartment complex on the day many were moving in. And my friend Sonia, met her husband at her sister’s wedding. He was the groom’s brother.

I am pretty sure there are angels in Heaven whose only job is to make sure the right people meet, and to make their job more interesting they think up creative ways for that to happen. Since I missed being able to spend Valentine’s with my husband due to being in Utah with my mother (who is finally out of ICU! Hooray!) this post is dedicated to my Sweetheart.

It is our love story.

The First Time We Met
The first time I met Wes was at BYU just after he returned from his mission and I was preparing to turn in my mission papers. He had gone to visit a friend of his from high school, who also happened to be my friend and co-worker. When I arrived at work, he was there and my friend called me over to meet him. The second she said his name my heart did a leap inside of me and I thought, “This is the person I am going to marry!”

Our First Date
Our first date came two years later. I was called to serve a mission in Quito, Ecuador and Wes’ father was my mission president. (Angels at work?) His sister was also at one time my missionary companion. During my exit interview, my mission president told me to not be in a hurry to get married but rather to take my time and wait for the right man. Soon after I went home he wrote a letter to Wes and told him to ask me out. Wes ignored the letter until his sister called and told him she had just talked to their dad and he was insistent.

How He Asked Me Out
He didn’t. He had his roommate call and pretend to be him and ask me. (Yes, this was the coward’s way out, but also innovative.) So while Wes went jogging, Curt called and said, “You don’t know me, but my father was your mission president and he wanted me to ask you out.” (Wow, don’t sound so excited) “So can you go Thursday, Friday, or Saturday?” (Obviously very available). I chose Saturday and we went to the first of many basketball games. At this one his brother was the coach and Lehi High School was the team playing. (They won)

Our Engagement
Two weeks later, I was ready for the “Define the Relationship” talk. At some point in the conversation Wes suggested we get married. I agreed but wasn’t ready to make it public, which was good since about a week later I got scared and backed out. Wes was patient with me, however, and one month and one day after our first date we became officially engaged.

First Kiss
Truthfully, I am the only girl Wes has ever kissed. That wasn’t due to lack of opportunity, but rather due to choice. He made a decision early on that he would only kiss the girl he planned to marry. About a week and a half into our relationship we were sitting on the couch in my apartment, and with a little encouragement on my part, he kissed me. Okay, so that first kiss wasn’t the best, but he was a very fast learner.

How He Proposed
Twenty-four years after we were married he leaned over in the celestial room at the Mesa temple and asked if I would be his wife. Although incredibly delayed, that was my only official proposal. For our unofficial one, he came to my apartment one night, and after struggling with the marriage decision I decided I was ready to move forward and so I said, “I want to get married.” He asked, “Are you sure?” I said yes and we went and told my parents. Not at all romantic, but it worked. Three months later we were married in the Salt Lake Temple and moved to Mexico City where he was employed in the family business.

What I Remember Most About My Wedding Day
We were married in July and it snowed the day before the wedding in the mountains. That was not a good thing for an outdoor reception, but all worked out well. The other thing I remember is I was very stressed and rather cranky with my wedding line. My poor sisters and friends! I made them all stand straight and face forward at all times. If they moved, I got after them.

What I Like Most About Wes
Lot’s of things, but mostly that he is so very good. He lives his life in the white and never gets close to the gray area. He is also a lot of fun to be around (although people who only know him from church do not see that side of him) is very smart, very athletic, very generous, very cute and very good to me. Nearly every week he brings me flowers and is kind enough to give me frequent foot massages, which is my most favorite thing. I also love that he supports me in everything I want to do even if it means more messes around the house—like when I went through the tole painting phase, the calligraphy phase, the flower arranging phase etc. And of course he is a wonderful father to our five children and grandfather to our one little grandbaby.

But most of all, he is my very best friend.

I love you Wes! Happy Belated Valentine’s Day! And thanks for bringing so much . . . joy to my journey.

An Actual Conversation With My Husband

My husband called me on the phone earlier today. He was filling out papers for new passports and had a few questions.

Him: "So are you 5'9"?"

Me: "No, I am 5'8".

Him: "What color is your hair?

Me: "Are you serious? You really don't know what color my hair is?"

Him: "Well, you might have changed it."

Me: (Thinking---since I had lunch with you an hour ago?) "It is brown."(And always has been except for a couple months 16 years ago)

Him: "What color are your eyes?"

Me: "You are kidding right? You have to know my eye color."

Him: "Well, I don't have your old passport in front of me so I don't know what it says."

Me: "We have been married 26 years. In all that time you have never looked at my eyes?

Him: "Oh, so they are green?"

Me: "No, they are blue/grey."

I think we need to spend a little more time together.