When Blessings Come Incognito

I was visiting recently with a friend who asked why she was faced with so many challenges, and if perhaps God had abandoned her. It is true she has a lot of difficulties. She has gone though a nasty divorce, has struggles with her children and deals daily with severe physical limitations.

However, I have seen God's hand so often in the small details of my life, I know God will never abandon us during our biggest trials. And so I wondered how often our blessings might come incognito. They are there, we just aren't seeing them.

In thinking about this, the two following stories came to my mind:

When Lehi and his family (from the Book of Mormon) were told to leave Jerusalem in search of a promised land or be destroyed, they all left behind their riches and their comforts of home and headed off into the desert--where they lived for eight years.

Truthfully, camping one night for me is torture. Living for eight years wandering in the desert, sleeping in tents, being deprived of hot running water and eating raw meat (1 Ne 17:2) would be a HUGE trial! I totally get why Laman and Lemuel murmured!

Yet Nephi writes, "So great were the blessings of the Lord upon us . . . " In the midst of his affliction, he found the blessings. They may have been hidden (after all his brothers never found them) but they were there. They were strengthened, fed and guided by the Lord all through their journey. Their trials were numerous, as Lehi often referred to this time as the "wilderness of my affliction" but still, the Lord was there.

Never at any time were they abandoned, although there were times when some of them abandoned God.

Another story I have always gotten a chuckle from is the story of Elijah. He calls down a famine upon the people and then is told by the Lord to hide himself by a brook where he could obtain water and the Lord would provide the rest of his food.

So, then how did the prophet of the Lord eat? Did he eat off the "fat of the land" or in the style to which he was accustomed? No, he ate bread and meat delivered by the ravens morning and night. So I looked up what ravens would be most likely to bring and this is what I found.

"Most ravens eat the dead bodies of other animals. Ravens generally eat some fruit, berries and grains when they are available. They will eat any small animals, small birds and small reptiles that they can find. Ravens even eat maggots and animal poo. Ravens eat anything that is easy to catch!"

I am not sure if this is the type of food Elijah received or if the birds brought him something a bit more palatable, but the idea of living alone in the desert, eating road kill, once again does not sound like a blessing to me.

Yet, just like Nephi, Elijah was guided, nourished and protected until the Lord saw fit to send him elsewhere.

I wonder if perhaps we have the wrong idea about life. I know there are times when I think living the commandments entitles me immediately to the blessings I desire--a roof over my head, food to eat, health, and a happy family life. Yet, that is so often not the case for many righteous people. And when our worlds seem to fall apart, our health or families fail us, we cry out wondering why this has happened to us, and why God does not bless us with those things we deserve.

Raw meat and raven deliveries might not at first seem like great blessings for Nephi and Elijah as well, but they both were. Elijah would have starved with out the food the ravens brought and Nephi and his family were probably being protected by unsavory travelers who might have seen the smoke from the fire they used to cook their meat.

And so I have come to believe that during our darkest days, God will always nourish, strengthen and guide. We may just have to look a little harder to notice it.

And that thought brings great . . . joy to my journey.

So when does the Happily Ever After come??

I grew up reading fairy tales where every story ends with, “And they were married and lived happily ever after.” So, when my handsome prince came along, I was absolutely positive my marriage would be perfectly harmonious and my life wonderfully trial free.

Then I got married.

I knew I had married the only man in the world for me and after a beautiful wedding day filled with family and feasting, he lifted me onto his white stallion and together we galloped off into the sunset in search of our happily ever after. Well, actually, we loaded our meager belongings into his car and drove south to Mexico City, with me crying all the way because I was not ready to leave my family, my home, and my country so soon after returning from a mission to Ecuador. But Mexico City is where he was raised, it was where his family lived and most importantly, it was where he planned to spend the rest of his life working in the family business.


Our first year of marriage was neither harmonious nor trial free. We spent the first six months either living with relatives or in an apartment with walls blackened from smog, and water that ran only two days in seven. Wes went off to work six days a week, leaving me home alone, in a country where I had no friends, no family of my own, and no diversion. (I tried driving once and it scared me to death so I never tried again). Being a person who thrives on being busy and social, I felt utterly lonely and depressed. And, I soon discovered, pregnant.

Over the next six months the Mexican economy collapsed, making it impossible for us to earn a living, so my husband immigrated to Utah (yes, he was a Mexican citizen) where we hoped for a better life. Happy to be back with family, life was better for me, but difficult for Wes who had to find a new dream.

After a difficult pregnancy, Camille was born. The insurance company that should have covered the cost went bankrupt and couldn’t pay, and while driving home from the hospital following her birth, Wes was broadsided by an uninsured drunk driver who totaled our car. Overwhelmed by the debt suddenly heaped upon us, still recovering from complications to child birth and lacking transportation, we would sit at dinner together in stony silence.

And I wondered . . . whatever happened to ‘happily ever after’?

Now many years later, I realize I was just as naïve to think life would never get better, as I was to think it would hold no challenges. Real, true, meaningful life comes with both good and bad—together. My father sent me a quote I love, and have posted on my side bar. It says, “Life isn’t about waiting for the storms to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain.”

So I gave some thought to those things in my life, that even in stormy weather bring me great joy. Here is a list of ten of them, not in any particular order.

1. Looking across a crowded room filled with people who want my husband’s attention and having him look directly at me and wink. (I love that!)

2. Family dinners where all who live at home are gathered together. These are harder now, with Kathryn working, but when we all happen to be home at the same time, my heart swells with joy.

3. Enjoying nature. Whether it is hiking, walking in the rain, seeing a sunset, or watching the quail in my front yard early in the morning, taking note of the beauty in nature always makes me happy.

4. Hearing laughter coming from another room. One of life’s most simple pleasures is listening to my daughters laughing together in another room while they do dishes and/or share stories.

5. Anything funny that makes me laugh. Following the birth of my third child, I struggled with postpartum depression. I didn’t realize it at the time though. I just thought I was tired and miserable. However, six months after her birth we were on vacation in California. While jumping waves in the ocean, I was hit hard by a wave that pushed me under the water. When I surfaced, I started to laugh. My laughter sounded so strange in my ears and I realized it had been a very long time since I had laughed at anything. But that moment seemed to break a barrier around my heart and from then on I got better. From that experience, however, I also learned to appreciate very much the people who bring laughter into my life.

6. Hot running water—particularly in a bathtub filled with bubbles. On my mission we rarely had hot water, and when we did it ran only for a few minutes. I have never turned on a water faucet since, without expressing gratitude for hot running water.

7. Time spent with friends. There are few things that bring me greater joy than an unexpected telephone call or email from a friend. And there are few things I would rather do than go to lunch with, or spend the evening, long into the night, visiting with those who are dear to me.

8. Learning something new. I love to learn. I love to visit with people who are different than I am, travel to far away countries, or read a book that teaches me something I didn’t know before. There is something magical about learning, I think, that makes me feel so very alive.

9. Doing something hard. It isn’t that I like to do hard things, but I really like how I feel after I have done them. It always brings such a sense of accomplishment and boosts my self-esteem.

10. Perform a service. My mission president always told us when we were discouraged to get out and serve. I have found that to be true. It is a basic principle that service brings joy. I recently had an experience with this. On our last visiting teaching appointment of the day we came to a home of a sister whose kitchen was filled with meat and vegetables needing to be bottled that day. So, putting away our message and putting on our aprons, we went to work helping her. I spent the next two hours browning meat and peeling potatoes. But I also spent the time, working and visiting with two wonderful, strong and spiritual sisters, whose association brought great joy into my life that day.

So there you have it. Ten ways that even in the storms of life, help me to find . . . joy in the journey.

The Healing Power of the Atonement

I posted the song used in this video a couple months ago, but liked this version much better so I am posting it again. It really is worth your time to watch it.

And for two beautiful blog entries dealing with trials and difficulties in a positive way please go to Scripture Mom and Momza's House. I loved both of these.

"This is better!"

These past few days my mind has been on trials. Like everyone else, I am currently facing a few. Some are due to life in general, (people get old, people get sick, economies fail and everyone struggles). Other trials are due to the wrong choices of others. These are the hardest, I believe, as they cause so many innocent people to suffer deep, agonizing pain, where if other choices had been made, the same people could have found joy.

My family is facing both.

Although I do not wish to mitigate the suffering of others, I have been reminded of a man I met several years ago while traveling out of the country--our tour guide, Juan. Whenever something didn’t go as planned, he would always say, “This is better.” And then find a reason why being in a traffic jam for an hour, the hotel not being ready on time, or our bus driver getting lost was really for our benefit. After all, in the traffic jam we were able to see the different license plates used in the country, the hotel not being ready gave us extra shopping time and our bus driver getting lost allowed us to see an area of the city not on our itinerary. So, “This is better” became true.

Since then, my husband and I have often joked to each other, “This is better” when things in our lives have gone wrong. I realize there are some heart aches too deep, and experiences too painful to easily find something “better” in, but I have also discovered that every trial can come with a positive learning experience and in every heart ache there can eventually be found some joy.

This past week is an example. As many of you know, my mother has been very ill. After spending 27 days in the hospital, suffering sepsis, a major surgery and a stroke, she went home only to return to the hospital three days later with a kidney infection. She is now home again and progress is incremental. And so my daughter Michelle and I went to visit her and help out with her care. The fact that we were there because my mother was sick was not a good thing, and we are certainly praying for a speedy and complete recovery, but in this trial, even my mother has been able to find some benefits.

If she hadn’t been ill, I would have been somewhere else during spring break and she enjoyed our visit.

While in Utah, I was able to spend time with my four sisters, something I very much enjoy doing, but am not able to do very often.

During my mother’s illness, a brother who is not active in the church, has come by frequently to visit. He is not very social, and my recent time with him has been more than in the previous twenty years combined.

Mom has been able to feel the tremendous love of her neighbors as so many of them have come by to visit and assist.

My heart has been filled to overflowing as I have seen my father serve my mother so tenderly. He has cared for her personal needs from helping her shower to following her around with a comb in his hand, making sure the back of her hair is “beautiful”. And I believe he is learning a little bit of patience.

My mother loves to serve others and the day we left to return to AZ she got up at 1:30 in the morning to make us muffins for breakfast. Not able to do it on her own meant my father also had to get up and help. When I saw the result of their middle-of-the night cooking adventure the following morning, I exclaimed, “Wow, muffins made with love.” My dad added, “And a little anger.” We all laughed at that.

And so my goal this week is to find the “better” in whatever life brings my way. I am hoping my children and husband are up to the challenge as well, for just now I noticed that dinner is burning. It appears I will very quickly get to test the theory as I try to help my family discover why a burnt offering for dinner is actually “better.” :-)

Wish me luck! And may you always find . . . joy in the journey!

D&C 98: 3 Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good and to my name’s glory, saith the Lord.

A long day of mixed blessings

This won't be my happiest post. It has been a long day with some bad and some good. So basically a day of mixed blessings.

My husband had surgery today to remove skin cancer from his nose. The cancer ended up being the size of a quarter so the end result isn't terribly pretty. Of course, with the stitches, bleeding and swelling it looks much worse than it will in a couple months. Then, other than a scar across his nose, he should be pretty much back to his normal handsome self. And that is much better than what could have happened. He could have lost half his nose--which we were told by the anesthesiologist probably would have happened had we used a different surgeon.

Our story began about a year ago when he got a little sore on his nose. It seemed to go away but then come back. It seemed so small and insignificant we didn't even notice it after a while--until we were recently looking at pictures from the past year and saw he had the sore in all of them. So, he went to the doctor and was diagnosed with basal cell carcinoma. It isn't life threatening, but it did need to be removed.

We felt blessed. Wes has a brother who was recently diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing radiation therapy. His outlook is good, but the road to recovery will be difficult. Therefore, we also felt guilty. Wes told me he would gladly lose his nose for the guarantee that his brother would live.

After letting me kiss him goodbye, the nurse took me to the waiting room. It was on the far side of the building and down a long hall from where we entered. It also happened to be directly across from radiation therapy. The same radiation therapy my friend Lisa and I used to take our friend Meg. We took turns taking her every week for several weeks . . .until she died. That was five years ago this month. And sitting in the room across the hall from that place brought back memories of a sad and difficult time, but also sweet memories of kind, tender Meg. Both made me cry. Although it has been five years, I still have a message from her saved on my answering machine.

When my wait began to feel very long and my anxiety was rising, I started receiving telephone calls. They came from my mother, my daughters and my girl friends. Of my friends, Lisa called first. I became friends with Lisa while we both cared for Meg. Our service together wove a cord that has continued to bind us to each other. I next heard from Jenny. It was while visiting with Jenny at the luncheon following Meg's funeral, I realized how much we had in common and we have been good friends ever since. Then I heard from Sonia. She was best friends with Jenny and came into my life soon after Jenny did. I love them all and gained strength from talking with every person who called me.

I really don't have a moral to this story other than to be sure to check out sores that don't heal and odd looking moles before you end up losing your nose. But I think that for me there may be another message as well . . . Our journey through life comes with ups and downs. Some days we rejoice and others we mourn. Sometimes prayers are answered---as with Wes--and sometimes--as with Meg--they are not. But through it all, there are people placed on our path to love and support us and help us find . . .joy in the journey.